Birth Trauma, PPMD: FIVE ways to be positive support Your best friend calls you teary eyed and says “I need to talk.” Many thoughts fly through your head, but all you say is hey! Go for it! She tells you something that kind of leaves you speechless. The conversation boils down to: She’s crying. All the time. She can’t enjoy her children. She thinks it has something to do with childbirth, maybe she knows just what happened that is upsetting her, maybe not. She doesn’t want to be alone because she’s been having anxiety troubles. She needs help. The symptoms and reasonings here of course will vary by person and this is just a hypothetical example. Birth Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Psychosis, All of these are real and different per person. So what do you do? When many hear this vent for the first time, they think: Birth. Well, the goal of birth is a healthy baby (AND mom…). So they blurt out something like, “Oh wow! I’m sorry to hear that, but at least you have a healthy baby.” We talked about this a little in the recent post, Responding to Birth Trauma: What the "healthy baby" line really means. We’ll assume you’ve already read that post and understand why that’s not such a great line. (If you haven’t read it yet, take a moment to do so!) Since publishing that post, I’ve had a few beautiful messages saying: okay, so that’s not a great line. How *should* I respond? One of the messages I received included this suggested wording and asked my opinion: “I'm so sorry, but at least you and baby survived and are safe.” Her thought to include mom is a great step in the right direction. As a trauma mom dealing with PTSD, if I heard this line even knowing this mom had the best of intentions, I would have thought “I don’t feel like I really survived beyond physically. I don’t really feel safe. Is that really all that matters?” And the thing is, I know that wasn’t the intention of this mom or her words. Sure, survival and safety are of the utmost concern for laboring moms and their birthing teams! The idea we need to shift our thoughts on is that our psychological self is also important. It is. We are not completely “healthy” if we are not psychologically healthy, that is huge part of us! The most concerning risk of any PPMD is the real risk of suicide, which needs to be taken seriously. So how do we respond to these situations and be the best support possible?
I thought I would share a couple of comments from our Facebook page on this as well: Survivor Momma Ashley: “I had someone reach out to me. She asked if she could send people to help support me. Or just come visit. I was fighting to not have to go through another unwanted section. The power of the gesture was amazing. And then to have people approach me in person and online who wanted to help, each in their own way. That's all anyone can do. Bring to the table what they can. Not everyone has the goods to bring to the table. I find people who have been down the road have more to offer. I found it was real. The trauma was real. Knowing that and having people acknowledge that was the most helpful.” Doula Jessica: “I was acting as a doula for a family friend who ended up having a traumatic induction-turned-Cesarean. It was horrible all the way around. I finally reached out to her and said I'm sorry her birth wasn't as planned and that I'm here if she ever wanted to discuss it. Then I let her take the lead. I don't see the birth or the reason for the induction the same way she does, but I have to keep in mind that it isn't about me. Her experience is not mine and never will be. My job isn't to force her to see things my way. It's to support her.”
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AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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