I’ve had this post on my mind for a while. What better day than International Women’s Day (albeit a day late!) to send it out there in the universe and out of my mind! Pregnancy is a beautiful, and to some a sacred, time in the life of a family. Magically, our clothes start popping buttons and we want to eat… ALL.THE.TIME. After we’ve gone through the yucky “morning” (read: all day) sickness phase, of course. So then what? Then it’s all out from there. Literally. We just grow and grow and grow while bystanders gawk and assume they have some level of say in our healthcare decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly respect the opinions of my peers, family and providers to a point. The good thing about that, though, is that they are just opinions whereas I (should) have the ultimate authority over my own body, and that of my new child. Good friends and/or health care providers understand that requirement. For me and my family, I also hold my husband’s opinion almost as high as my own (almost only because there is a level of: this is my body, not his!). That’s just how our family works; we don’t make important life-altering decisions without one another. Back to International Women’s Day. Some say it’s a day to celebrate “womanhood.” Others say it’s a day to celebrate our social, political and economic achievements throughout history. There are many things we can celebrate on each of these fronts. We could celebrate Rosa Parks (one of MY heroines!), or the women’s suffragette movement. We could give accolades to the first woman to do this, or the first woman to do that. We could find amazing scientific advances created by women from all over. We could celebrate our bodies and motherhood in their natural beauty. Instead, I am unable to focus on these amazing things. I am immersed in the beautiful and sacred time of life we call pregnancy. And it is just that. I’m amazed at what my body can do and the joys God has offered my family during this time, especially since we thought we were done! Well apparently not, God has a different plan. I love how my husband just lights up sometimes with that husbandly approval, “Yup. I did that.” For all that, I am grateful for my womanhood. For all that, I am also saddened and frankly, pissed off. I have many questions in my mind every day that a pregnant woman shouldn’t have to ask. Normal pregnant-mom questions aren’t even on my radar, like: Will my water break while I’m grocery shopping? Or singing in front of our church congregation? Will I go into labor early? Will I go into labor at all? Will there be an emergency? What childbirth class should I take? What if I can’t breastfeed? What if there’s something wrong with our baby? How will the dog(s) react? What will we do with the other children while I’m in the hospital? And…. WHY IS EVERYONE TOUCHING MY BELLY! No. My questions are more like: Will I receive evidence-based care? Or will it be based on the opinions of my care providers and their insurance? Will my informed consent and informed refusal be respected? Or tossed in the garbage like it has in the past? Do I go to the hospital to birth, or stay home? Which location poses the most risks for me & our child? If I stay home, do I do so attended only by my husband and toddlers? Or do I hire a midwife to assist us, all the while, risking her own freedom for mine? Will she go to jail on my account? OR should I create an “escape” plan to birth in a nearby state? OR OR... No, no or actually. Becoming Amish or Mennonite is out of the question. *insert eyeroll* Will an investigator be sent to my home if I have a homebirth? If I go to the hospital, do I go to the same hospital where I was violated (which is the “best” in our area)? Or choose a different location? Will I matter to my care providers? Or is it really just about the money and their schedule? Will I be separated from my husband and doula (again) against my wishes? Will they try to tell me I can’t proceed further until I have a vaginal exam, again? (Do they not understand how birth works?) Do I really want to take the 1/3rd risk of having major surgery by going to a hospital when evidence says most of those are not warranted? Will I be on a schedule to be cut, even if I don’t know about it? How do I plan to avoid unnecessary medical interventions to have the healthiest and safest birth possible (assuming no emergency arises)? Should I bring evidence upon evidence for any number of situations to show my doctors right then and there? Can I trust my care provider at the hospital to be truthful about medications given? Will I be on a time limit, which isn’t substantiated by scientific evidence, and then be forced to submit to those medical interventions I didn’t want in the first place? Will I trigger a PTSD episode *during* labor when a doctor is at the foot of the bed because of our daughter’s birth? And WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TOUCH MY BELLY!? (okay, so that one’s the same) Why are these even questions? Why does this have to be a thing? Yes. We could say this list of questions is fear and anxiety laden, and we’d be correct. We could say “Good Lord, this mom needs help.” And we’d be right. I do need help. I need help understanding why our maternity care system is so messed up beyond belief and why it is based on the opinions of our medical personnel, rather than the personal needs, beliefs, opinions and research of the moms and families they “serve.” (F. Joelving , Ob-gyn guidelines often based on opinions, weak data. Reuters. 2011.) And why our maternity care situation continues to be perpetuated in a society which heralds itself as free, equal and all for human rights? Why is it that I have to fight so damn hard to get the birth that I desire, and believe so heavily in for safety, health and religious reasons? Why is that a thing? Why is it that I was violated TWICE in the past, as was one of our children, because the doctors were impatient and didn’t know the proper care needed EACH.TIME. Why was that a thing? So, this International Women’s Day, I am thinking about the women across our globe that are dealing with similar situations and questions. Why can’t we celebrate our womanhood in every aspect, including birth? And who will step up for these moms who deserve better? We deserve better outcomes, better care and damnit, some respect so we can do what needs to be done safely! Previous Post: Parenting is history in the making. What kind of history will you choose?
6 Comments
Teresa
3/9/2014 03:30:38 pm
"Will I receive evidence-based care? Or will it be based on the opinions of my care providers and their insurance?
Reply
Teresa, I can relate to your concerns so much! I am an ICAN leader and hear these things so often in addition to my own experiences.
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Becky
3/13/2014 02:35:59 am
Just noticed that it doesn't list my website :) 3/10/2014 08:09:56 am
I love this post. Yes, how many times do we need to ask for sensitive care?
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